


Postmodern Pain Relief

by sleepingplanets



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, I'm not actually funny but I try my best, M/M, Minor Drug Use, Pining, Recreational Drug Use, actually they're all messy, doyoung is just an over exaggerated version of myself, ten is messy af
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-02-23 05:28:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23539825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepingplanets/pseuds/sleepingplanets
Summary: In which Doyoung is a neurotic trying to make it through college, Ten is the loudest amongst his loud ass friends, Jaehyun is the stereotypical hot barista who also likes to read, and Johnny just works here but he’s loving the drama.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung
Comments: 10
Kudos: 57





	1. Oh Heavenly Day

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written a fanfic in a while but quarantine is getting to me. Hopefully this isn't too terrible of a beginning. Enjoy!

At one point or another, Doyoung will eventually learn to wait for his hot drinks to cool before taking a sip. Actually, that goes for all hot foods. He winced, feeling the burn mark on his tongue forming, one on top of the other that he got two days ago. Why was he such a massive child? He sighed, putting down the mug still full of hot jasmine tea and set his eyes onto his notes. He was struggling with theory again. He wanted to bash his head into the table but that would probably terrify everybody else in the cafe.

Doyoung can’t really begin to explain why he decided to become a literature major. Something about learning how to properly read and analyze stories in high school sparked an interest in him. Maybe it’s because his mind is constantly racing, he prefers listening and reading stories than actually interacting with most humans (his friends included sometimes), or maybe it’s because he couldn’t see himself doing much else. Of course, his parents had wild and grand dreams of him going into the sciences or maybe even the arts, like his brother did but they made peace with the fact that Doyoung was going to be, in his own mind, a teacher or an editor once he graduated next semester. 

But, Doyoung can’t do any of that if he can’t pass literary theory. It wasn’t overly difficult, but the professor was picky with how her students answered questions and the class was basically what would happen if philosophy and literature had a super smart, super snobby baby. It was the readings that got to him. The language was too flowery, the sentences went on forever, there never seems to be a coherent thought that he could make out on his own. 

_ It’s like reading a fucking Virginia Woolf novel,  _ and if college has reinforced anything about Doyoung’s personality, it’s that he hates Virginia Woolf.

Groaning, he rubbed his eyes, feeling the strain from staring at his laptop screen for so long. “This is it, I’m going to Virginia Woolf myself,” he muttered.

“You shouldn’t say things like that out loud.” Doyoung opened his eyes and there was his friend, Ten staring down at him, his laptop tucked in his arms. He was a slight man with short dark hair and feline like features. Ten had to have been a cat in his past life, Doyoung thought. He was slender, and all of his movements had a strange grace to them. And just like most cats, he could be really annoying if he wanted to be. 

“If you’re going to drown yourself in a river, just make sure it's nowhere near here,” Ten said, pulling out the chair across from Doyoung and taking a seat. “Oh, and make sure to use more stones than she did. Also, leave me a beautiful love letter.” 

Doyoung bit back a smile. “Why did I invite you to study with me again?” 

Ten laughed as he began pulling out materials from his backpack. There was a constant glint of mischief in his eyes, as if he was just waiting for someone around them to slip up on their words or movements. “Because you’ll never be able to get through theory without me.”

“You’re shit at it too!” 

Ten stared at him. “Would you rather suffer by yourself or suffer with me?” Before Doyoung could even respond, Ten quickly said, “Don’t answer that because I won’t believe anything you say.” 

There was a pause. And then they both burst into giggles. “Please shut up and let me attempt to make sense of anything on this page,” Doyoung said, turning back to his screen but he shot the quickest smile at Ten before refocusing himself. Ten huffed, dramatically opened his laptop and began to furiously type, pretending to pay attention to whatever email or report he’s looking at,

Doyoung let out one last chuckle but he felt his smile dying as his eyes fell back down to his computer screen and the page that was waiting to be annotated. There was no point in putting this off any further. He sighed and got to work.

This would have been any other normal day for both of them but looking back on it now, Doyoung felt like there was a force with them. Whether or not it was working for or against him, he could never really decide. If he had known everything that he would have to go through to get to the outcome, he might’ve questioned ever paying attention to the boy sprinting into the shop, work apron in hand. On the cafe speakers, Doyoung suddenly heard guitar chords and a woman softly singing:

_ Oh heavenly day _

_ All the clouds blew away _

Now, Doyoung knew he was kind of fucked right at that moment because he had never seen this boy before but his first reaction was a weird form of rage. How dare someone be that good looking? Also, what the fuck was this song and why was it coming on now? The stranger immediately ran up to the counter, calling for the other man working behind it and speaking in rushed sentences. Doyoung couldn’t make out what he was saying over the noise of the cafe but he seemed flustered. Maybe he was late? For someone possibly late, he still looked well put together. He was dressed in black jeans, brown boots, and a white shirt with a denim jacket thrown on top. His hair fell in short wavy brown locks.

_ Got no trouble today _

_ With anyone _

The man behind the counter, another tall handsome stranger said some quick words before gesturing to the backroom with his thumb. So they must be coworkers then.

_ The smile on your face _

_ I live only to see _

In that one moment, Doyoung felt like he had just seen the most offensive thing ever. Denim jacket’s whole face broke out into the brightest smile he’s ever seen, dimples and everything. It was beautiful and disgusting and Doyoung wanted to stare at it forever. Doyoung followed the stranger with his eyes as he rushed to the back of the cafe, probably to clock in for his shift. He didn’t realize he was being super obvious, how was he supposed to know? A literal god just walked by and it seemed like no one else took notice. No one… except for Ten of course.

“You know, if you stare at him long enough, his clothes might melt off,” he said, laughing as Doyoung’s head whipped towards him, cheeks turning a soft pink.

The other boy pouted, more upset that he got caught than anything. “Shut up. I’ve just never seen him before,” Doyoung mumbled, turning back to his laptop. Of course he wasn’t actually reading anything anymore. 

Ten sucked his teeth. “Uh huh,” he replied sarcastically. “You have a point though. I’ve never seen him here before but he sure is a looker. He probably just started. Not too good though to be late on your first day of the job.” 

“You don’t know that, maybe he started a while ago and we just missed him.” 

Ten didn’t just roll his eyes, he rolled his whole head towards Doyoung. “Bitch,” he deadpanned and at this point, Doyoung has heard Ten call him every bad word under the sun that it goes in one ear and out the other. “You come here almost everyday at all hours of the day, you would’ve seen him at some point. Also, judging by how intense your eyes are, you would’ve mentioned him to me at some point.”

Before Doyoung had a chance to reply, he was interrupted by the sight of the god approaching the front of the cafe again. This time though, he was behind the counter and had replaced his denim jacket with the apron. “Arms aren’t supposed to be that attractive, fuck,” Doyoung muttered. He began rubbing his temples. Handsome men usually didn’t give him hypertension but here he was, feeling like he needed to swallow an entire bottle of ibuprofen. He watched as the stranger began bustling around, tinkering with the coffee machines as he began completing people’s orders. With one final sigh, Doyoung sadly turned back to his laptop screen. 

Less than a minute went by before Doyoung felt like there were eyes on him. Also, Ten is only ever this quiet during tests, when he was extremely stressed, or when he was high off of his nuts on weed. He looked up and met Ten’s scheming eyes. 

If Doyoung wasn’t so familiar with Ten, he would’ve thought there was nothing to worry about. However, Doyoung is a fairly quick learner and he knows what that look means. They stared at each other, neither one blinking but anyone could tell that Doyoung was inwardly panicking. “No,” Doyoung whispered. Ten raised a single well groomed eyebrow. “Ten, please.” 

“You need to come up with a reason,” Ten replied nonchalantly. “One that isn’t ‘you’re going to embarass me’ or ‘he’s not interested’ or ‘I’m not interested’ because you know that’s a fucking lie.”

Doyoung was so close to running out of the cafe. “But-but Ten,” he stuttered. Cupping his hand against the side of his mouth, he angrily whispered, “We don’t know if he’s even gay??”

Ten raised his hands in mock surrender. “I just wanted to know his name. He most likely goes to the same college as us so you might run into him on campus.” He then shrugged. “But I guess you bring up a good point.” 

Doyoung’s shoulders drooped a little and he lowered his hand. However, he was a fool for thinking that he could relax even for the slightest second when Ten’s eyes shot to his tea mug followed by a smirk on his face. He stood up, ignoring Doyoung’s questions about what he was going to do. Ten came up to him as if he wasn’t about to ruin Doyoung’s entire existence and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Relax. I’m just going to get a pastry for myself,” he said calmly.

Doyoung shook his head, honestly feeling weary at this point. “I swear to god, if you come back to this table with more than a damn croissant, I will curse you and your future offspring.”

Ten laughed, genuine this time. “As if I want any.” He gave a curt wave before heading to the order counter.

Meanwhile, Doyoung couldn’t decide if he should watch Ten like a hawk, pretend to keep reading, or just run away and get on the next train to the nearest airport. Unable to decide, he settled for looking down at his screen, mindlessly looking through Amazon while he used one hand to shield his eyes from making any contact with anyone.  _ If you’re not a Macbook, I don’t want to look at you.  _

It felt like an eternity before Ten got back to the table, placing a small plate with two blueberry scones on it. “Not a big croissant fan,” he said simply before settling back down and returning to his work, not giving any indication of what he just did. He spared a glance at Doyoung. “One of them is for you, you could use a snack,” he simply stated.

A moment of silence passed between the two. Doyoung stole a glance at the counter again and couldn’t see the handsome stranger. He sighed. Maybe he was overreacting. “Thanks, Ten,” he said. Reaching for one of the scones, he was pleased to find out that they were still warm and smelled really good. Too bad his tea was all cold. 

Doyoung managed to get one small bite in before a shadow ghosted over their table and a soft clearing of the throat. “Hello, I have a matcha latte and one jasmine tea.” 

It suddenly felt like the crumbs of the scone were blocking his airways as he looked up at the handsome stranger standing over him. Maybe murdering his friend and running away isn’t such a bad idea anymore. Meanwhile, Ten, the ever annoying little fuck he was, broke into a mega watt smile. “The latte is mine,” he says cheerfully, way too happy to be getting a matcha latte than your average customer would be.

The stranger smiled. “Alright then, here you go. So this must be yours,” he says as he placed Doyoung’s new mug in front of him. Doyoung swallowed as best he could. This stranger, this absolute unit, this god amongst stupid mortals like him had the sweetest voice ever. It was low, but not rough. It was gentle and reassuring in so many ways that Doyoung couldn’t even begin to explain and he almost wanted to cry. 

“Oh, let me clear this away for you,” the stranger said, picking up the old mug full of cold tea. “Enjoy, guys!” 

Doyoung might be stupid but he isn’t rude. “Thank you,” he managed to squeak out, trying his best to offer the stranger a smile. He seemed to accept Doyoung’s best efforts because he responded with a soft, almost innocent smile back, dimples just all up in Doyoung’s face before returning back to his job. 

Stone faced, Doyoung lifted the steaming mug up to his lips and took a sip, ignoring the fact that he just got another tongue burn from it. Anything to wash down the crumbs of scones and embarrassment that’s currently lodged in his throat. Slowly, he put the mug down but used it to warm his hands. Why he did that when his palms were already sweating was beyond anyone’s understanding.

Across from him, Ten stared into his eyes, a smile peeking at the corners of his lips as he chewed on a piece of his scone. It was unwavering and Doyoung wanted to slap him. “You… are so lucky you’re not going to have kids,” he said, his voice dangerous.

Ten shrugged. “Could’ve been worse,” he says. “I told you that you could use a snack though.” 

Doyoung withheld throwing a textbook at him. He wasn’t going to get any readingdone here.

**_5 minute ago…_ **

“Excuse me, can I ask for something a little unorthodox?” Ten starts as he pulls out some cash to pay the man working behind the counter. He stole a glance at the man’s name tag.  _ Johnny… _

“Depends on what it is,” Johnny replies, taking the money.

Ten smiled, hoping it’s as cute and convincing as possible. “Can he bring our orders to my table?” Ten gestured at the new worker behind Johnny. 

“Who?” Johnny took a look before turning back to Ten. “Jaehyun? Do you mind if I ask why?”

Ten smiled wider, his hands clasped in front of him, and if Johnny wasn’t a whole head taller than him, he assumed the other man would be slightly put off. “You see, my friend over there has a massive crush on your coworker. I don’t want them to flirt or anything, I just really want to see what happens if he were to approach him.”

Johnny stared at him for what felt like forever before pursing his lips and nodding in agreement. “Ok then.”

It was an interesting reaction, even for Ten. “You’re really agreeing to indulge me in this?” he asked.

Johnny nodded again and handed him his change before going to grab the blueberry scones. “I’m down to witness a little bit of chaos, just don’t break any of my dishes,” he said, handing the scones to Ten. “Your friend looks like the type to be easily set off by anything.”

Ten sighed. “Yeah, I admit, he’s a little messy.” 

“Well, I could say the same for you,” Johnny hit back.

Ten gave him a different smile this time, one bordering the line between annoyed and fake. “Says the one who just said that he’d like to witness chaos,” he finished, dropping his change into the tip jar and picking up the scones. “It was nice talking to you, Johnathan.” 

“Come back with more chaos soon,” the other said with a smirk.


	2. It's a Dangerous Slip of the Tongue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're all lil stoners btw

Thank whatever god above that Taeyong exists. Seriously, Doyoung wouldn’t want to live with anyone else. Doyoung doesn’t think he could live with anyone else. Sometimes he imagines what it would be like to have to see Ten in class AND come home to him. No, not in this lifetime. Maybe not even in the next. Don’t get him wrong, Doyoung loved Ten but he loved him in a way that one loves shitty reality TV. In small increments it’s entertaining and fun, but once you get a couple of hours in, you can feel your brain cells slowly dying and then you need a break for a day or two.

Taeyong had a certain energy around him too. Doyoung believes that he was also a cat in his past life. He moves with the same grace that Ten does, which makes sense since they’re both on the university dance team but, while Ten is the type of asshole cat that likes to push things off of coffee tables, Taeyong is the type to lay in a patch of sunlight for hours on end and only bother Doyoung when he has a legit reason to do so. Also, Taeyong is without a doubt the best roommate Doyoung has ever had and he’s had some real shitty ones. (Like the one that used all of his hygiene products, the one who held a party in their dorm every Friday, or the one that used Doyoung’s razors for his own personal grooming and did not tell him.) They shared a small apartment off campus where the rent was cheaper. Taeyong is really nice, cleans up after himself, respects quiet hours, doesn’t take Doyoung’s things without asking, and helps restock the toilet paper when needed and that’s all Doyoung wants in a roommate. Simple standards yet still too high for some.

One thing that Taeyong is usually good at is listening to Doyoung’s rambling. As if Doyoung really gives him a chance to get away from it. Especially since he was currently pacing back and forth in his living room, a lit joint in between his fingers and his free hand rubbing at his temples. Meanwhile, Taeyong, bless his heart, sat calmly on the couch watching him, patiently waiting for him to pass the joint as Doyoung finished telling him about what happened in the cafe. 

“I still don’t get it,” Taeyong says, fiddling with the pen in his hand, his work long forgotten on the coffee table. “And pass that over already, you’ve haven't taken a puff in a bit.”

“Oh, sorry,” says Doyoung, carefully handing the joint over before resuming his pacing. 

Taeyong takes a long drag. “So, let me try and understand,” he says, voice raspy as the smoke filters out of his mouth. “You’re stressed because you have a crush on some new barista at Neo Cafe down the road.” He paused for a moment, his eyes closed and brows furrowed as if he had to think really hard about it. “And you’re even more stressed because Ten pulled a Ten Move and got the hot barista to bring you your tea. Then you choked on a scone.” 

Doyoung was ready to pull his hair but he settled for the joint that was handed back to him. “Ok, first of all, I don’t have a crush on anyone. Second of all, I didn’t choke. Scones are just dry. It’s why you have them with tea or coffee,” he said before taking a drag and inhaling the smoke. 

Taeyong nodded but he still seemed confused. “That still doesn’t explain why you’re so stressed out and I’m not talking about the damn scone. If you don’t like anything about this barista, then why is this giving you so much anxiety? You’re going to make a hole in the floor if you keep pacing.” 

The other immediately stopped in front of Taeyong, his hand curled in a fist as he felt his nails digging into his palm. This was just Doyoung on a slightly off day. When he’s anxious or stressed, he has to move, he has to speak, he needs all of his emotions out before he is able to focus on anything important. Unfortunately, when he’s in this state, it becomes harder to relay the fact that he felt mortified and embarrassed and ultimately intimidated by the new barista because he did in fact have a crush on him but he didn’t want to be in this position. He was flustered and didn’t like being caught off guard. 

He sighed and watched Taeyong’s eyes soften a little extra. “Maybe I’m just overreacting,” Doyoung admitted, passing the shrinking joint back. “I don’t know. He was really attractive and I was just embarrassed because Ten has no sense of decency. By the way you can finish that,” he gestured to the joint.

Taeyong grinned. “Roger dodger,” he said, mock salute and everything. “Doyoung, I do think you’re overreacting. I’m sure if you go back to Neo, no one is going to look twice at you. You’ll be a regular customer again.”

“I know you’re probably right but I’m irrational and will probably stay away from the cafe for a week,” the other boy declared. 

Taking one last drag, Taeyong rolled his eyes and put the joint out on the ashtray nearby. “I swear Doyoung, just sleep on it. Remember last semester when you said that you would stop going to Chipotle for a month just because you used to go a few times a week and one of the guys working there remembered your order by heart? This is basically the same situation but instead of a food order, it’s a guy who, no offense, was just doing his job and probably didn’t give you a second glance.”

Doyoung actually winced a little a bit. Deep down, despite the fact that he was mortified, a small part of him wanted to be noticed and given a second glance by someone like that. But then again, the barista feels so far out of his league he shouldn’t even be worried about it. Perhaps Taeyong was right. (Taeyong was right a lot when it came Doyoung’s anxiety rants but the latter was never going to admit that.) He sighed, shoulders drooping and hands relaxing.

“Maybe I am just a raging stress ball.” He gave Taeyong a sheepish grin and the other reciprocated with his own gentle smile. “God you’re so high, aren’t you?” 

Taeyong laughed, a pure sound that came from his chest and Doyoung secretly loved hearing it. A happy Taeyong was the best Taeyong. “Oof, yes I am. This new stuff I got is fantastic isn’t it?”

Doyoung chuckled, feeling a bit better. Or maybe it was just the smoke getting to him. “Where did you get it from?” 

“Hmm? Oh, a Japanese student recently moved down the hall from us. Turns out he’s a dealer. He gave me a little extra as a ‘first time customer bonus’,” Taeyong says, fingers making air quotes. “I wasn’t going to say shit.”

Doyoung actually laughed at that. “Maybe he thought you were cute,” he suggested as he picked up his backpack off the floor, making a beeline for his bedroom. 

Taeyong scoffed. “Oh, shut up, I doubt it. By the way, Doyoung,” he started, catching said man right as he was about to leave. “If you go back to Neo in a day or two, I’m sure nothing has changed. You’ll be fine.”

**_Two days later…_ **

Taeyong was wrong. When everything went down, Doyoung had almost called him to tell him how wrong he was. Everything was very much not fine. He knew something was different as soon as he walked into Neo Cafe and approached the counter. The hot barista wasn’t there but the other tall handsome guy was working the register. Ten said his name was Johnny. Johnny knew something. Doyoung could feel it as soon as he made eye contact with him and he saw a glint not unlike Ten’s in his eyes.  _ I smell chaos… _

_ You’re overthinking it, Doyoung. Get your fucking tea and your muffin and sit down somewhere. You’ve got things to do. _

“Hello there. How can I help you?” Johnny greeted him. “Or is it going to be the usual today?” 

_ Fuck, now I can’t come here for a month.  _ “Usual?” he asked. “Oh, and good afternoon, I’m sorry.”

Johnny chuckled and brushed it off. “It’s all good, and yes, your usual. You usually order a tea. Either jasmine or English breakfast.” 

“Ah, you know which teas I usually get?” 

“You come in here a lot. I’m bound to remember. Did you want to get something else today?” Johnny asked.

Doyoung cleared his throat. At this point, he still believed that Taeyong was right and that he shouldn’t feel insecure here. “Um, yeah. A jasmine tea and a cranberry orange muffin, please,” he said as confidently as he could while handing Johnny his debit card.

“You got it,” Johnny said cheerfully, taking the card and swiping it in. Handing it back to Doyoung, he wandered off to the side to grab the muffin from the pastry case. “Here you go, I’ll have your tea out in just a second. You can take a seat.” 

“Thank you,” Doyoung responded, feeling a bit relieved that that interaction went so much more smoothly than he expected. He found a nice spot by the window of the cafe, sunlight streaming in and keeping him warm. Picking a piece off the muffin top, he popped it into his mouth before pulling his materials out of his bag. He hummed quietly to himself.  _ Maybe today is going to be a good day. Let’s see… reading printout, pen, highlighter, headphones, notebook… _

“Hello, I have your tea.”

Doyoung looked up and it took all of his strength not to look away. There was the hot barista standing by his table holding a steaming cup of tea and a soft smile on his face. It was like staring into the damn sun. Or a solar eclipse. Either way, Doyoung was blinded.

“Oh, hi,” Doyoung said, his voice was almost at a whisper. 

Another soft smile, “Jasmine tea, right?” He put the mug down in front of Doyoung

It was only then that Doyoung remembered that he had a name. Ten had mentioned it to him the night of the incident. “Thank you, uh, Jaehyun.” He immediately regretted even uttering that name.

Jaehyun’s smile faltered. “How do you know my name?” he asked.

_ Fuck. Alright, excuses, you can come up with one. Double fuck, he’s not wearing his name tag. Did he ever have one??  _ “Oooohhh um, the guy working the counter,” Doyoung said, hoping his voice wasn’t as wavering as he felt like it was and gestured to Johnny. “He- he said you would bring out my tea.”

Jaehyun glanced at Johnny and let out a quiet, “Huh, makes sense.” He smiled again at Doyoung, still gentle and understanding and Doyoung wanted to slap him. “Well, enjoy your tea and your day-” Jaehyun paused, seemingly distracted by something on the table. 

Following his gaze, Doyoung landed on the printout he had in front of him. It was an excerpt from  _ Discipline and Punish  _ by Michel Foucault. 

“Are you a philosophy major?” Jaehyun asked, voice genuinely curious. “I don’t mean to pry,” he added when he saw Doyoung’s confused expression.

Doyoung shook his head quickly and answered, “No, literature. This is for my theory course.  _ Are they- are they having a conversation or is this just small talk?  _

Jaehyun’s eyes breezed over the paper and Doyoung realized that he couldn’t look away no matter how hard he tried. “That’s really interesting. I study bio but I do love reading philosophy.”

“Do you really?”

Jaehyun hummed. “Mhmm, I took a theory course back in sophomore year and it really opened me up to certain ways of thinking and reading. I especially liked Foucault, I did a whole analysis essay on him.”

_ Oh great, so he’s smart and sexy. Even further out of my league.  _ “You’re lucky,” Doyoung said, “I can barely make sense of this thing.”

Jaehyun pursed his lips as he furrowed his brows in thought. “Think about it this way, it’s all about power dynamics and what the idea of the gaze means. Maybe that’ll get the wheels turning.” He grinned and checked his watch. “I do have to get back to the counter though. Good luck, Doyoung.”

_ Wait. What?  _ “What?” He didn’t mean to say it out loud. Jaehyun looked confused. “How do you know  _ my  _ name?” 

At that point, Jaehyun smiled widely at him and Doyoung had had just about enough of this dimple nonsense. Jaehyun also let out a quiet laugh and Doyoung wishes he could record it and play it on repeat on days when he’s sad. “It’s written at the top of your paper,” he says, eyes twinkling before he finally turns around and returns to his job.

Doyoung, still mildly in shock, and wondering how he was going to get anything done, did the only sensible thing he could think of. Putting his headphones in, he put on a random song from his playlist and drowned out the noise of the cafe almost completely. Then, he texted Ten and Taeyong. 

**Doyoung: YALL**

**Doyoung: I CANT GO BACK TO NEO FOR A MONTH AFTER THIS**

**Taeyong: …doie we literally just talked about this two days ago**

**Ten: oh, this is gonna be delicious**

**_5 minutes earlier…_ **

“Hey Jaehyun, I need you to bring another tea out to that kid again,” Johnny called out to him. 

Jaehyun looked at him quizzically. “What kid?” 

Johnny gestured for him to come over and then pointed out Doyoung sitting by the window. “Another jasmine tea.”

“I don’t know, Johnny,” Jaehyun said, expression unsure. “Isn’t it kind of mean to approach him knowing that he has a crush on me?” 

Johnny shook his head. “Nah,” he brushed off. “He usually comes in here to do homework anyway so we can’t tell for a fact that he has a crush on you. Maybe his friend was just goofing around. Judging by last time though, I think it’s safe to assume that he does.”

Jaehyun rolled his eyes. “Still, it feels wrong. It feels like we’re making fun of him.”

“I don’t think so. He’s usually alone here so maybe the bit of company will make him happy.”

Jaehyun sighed, “Fine, fine. But we’re going to make this quick so you’ll get off my back for it.” 

Johnny clapped him on the back. “That’s the spirit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Let me know what you think!


	3. Give Me Heebie Jeebies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A quick snapshot into Doyoung's head is interrupted by the hot barista.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i won't lie, this chapter is kind of boring but sometimes we need context.  
> also, please read the end notes for important information about the book i used in this chapter!  
> let me know what you think about it so far though! thanks x

Doyoung never saw himself as overly complicated growing up. Then again, life before your 20s was also a lot more simple. It was never designed to be hard. He got up, went to school, worked part time to make some spending money, and went home. Wash, rinse, repeat. Looking back on it now, Doyoung felt like he should’ve been more grateful for the past and all its simplicity. Don’t get it twisted, Doyoung would rather walk into the ocean than repeat high school (or middle school, for that matter), but college was a whole different ball game.

He honestly doesn’t know how he’s managed to survive for three and a half years, nevermind graduating in a few months' time. He honestly wouldn’t repeat any of these years either. College was far better than high school but in a way, it was also worse. Doyoung had gone through a lot in the past couple of years both physically and mentally. There were days where he couldn’t get out of bed, or come into class on time (if at all), or his roommates would find him passed out in the living room at random hours of the day because he couldn’t convince himself to keep up with meals. His anxiety worsened and he found that he had the worse time concentrating on anything that didn’t grab his attention immediately. 

Reaching senior year was a struggle but he made it and Doyoung is proud to say that he’s doing a whole lot better. His grades have always been pretty good and he managed to keep them that way even throughout all the trouble. However, there are still days where he finds himself regressing. Taeyong says he shouldn’t describe it that way but it’s what it truly feels like. There will be days where Doyoung finds himself angry or sad for no clear reason, his thoughts loud and racing as they attack from all corners of his mind, and not wanting to eat despite the clear signs that his body needs sustenance. Those were the days Doyoung spent alone. Mostly because being around others usually exacerbated the problem but also because he didn’t want to risk the chance of actually losing his mind around someone. 

When he does have moments of silence and stillness, it’s almost euphoric. When it’s late at night in his room, the first few minutes of the morning before he was fully awake, the walk from the campus library to the train station on a cool autumn evening; those were some of his favorite moments. Quiet solitude was where Doyoung thrived but it was a double edged sword. There were moments like right now, where all he wanted was a distraction. He had an article pulled up on his laptop but it felt like his eyes were glazed over and nothing was sticking despite how many times he read it. 

His mind was racing, traveling back to last year. Junior year… that’s when Doyoung had felt like things had gone from bad to terrible. He rubbed his eyes harshly, as if to scrub the memories off of them.  _ No, no, no, not here, not now, NO- _

Someone softly cleared their throat. “Do you mind if I sit with you?” 

The world seemed to pause as Doyoung put his hands down, his eyes readjusting to the bright lights inside the library study space. Looking up, he found himself face to face with a concerned looking Jaehyun. The latter had one hand gripping the strap of his backpack and the other gesturing vaguely at the chair across the table from Doyoung. “Are you ok?” Jaehyun asked.

Maybe it was because Jaehyun was a distraction or maybe it was something about his presence but Doyoung’s whole world seemed to fall silent as he made eye contact with the other boy.  _ Oh. I could cry.  _ He settled for offering the most stable smile he could muster up and gestured for Jaehyun to sit down. The other looked grateful but at the same time, the concern didn’t leave his eyes. Doyoung begged and pleaded with the gods above that Jaehyun would just let it go.

“Funny seeing you here. How are you?” Jaehyun asked after a beat of silence. 

Doyoung was so thankful, he could offer Ten as a sacrifice right about now. Clearing his throat, he replied in a soft tone, “I’m doing alright. Just a bit stressed with midterms coming up and all.” 

Jaehyun nodded as he took out his laptop and lab notebook. “Tell me about it, I feel like the semester just started but I’m already having a hard time.” He looked up, seemingly realizing something. “By the way, I hope I’m not bothering you or anything. All of the other tables on this floor are full and I don’t really feel like walking up and down the stairs some more.

“Oh no, no, no,” Doyoung said, shaking his head. “You can join me anytime.”  _ You sound way too excited, Doyoung. Dial it back just a bit there, homie.  _ He could feel the warmth crawling up his neck and did all he could to get it back down. All of his efforts went straight out the window when he met Jaehyun’s eyes again. 

It wasn’t fair. It  _ really  _ wasn’t fair for someone to look so good in such an effortless manner. Jaehyun seemed to prefer dressing in comfortable and casual clothes; sporting a pair of washed out fitted jeans with rips at the knees, a black T-shirt, and an undone red plaid button down thrown over himself. His hair looked so soft and Doyoung would give just about anything to run his fingers through it. He might have been staring for too long though because Jaehyun chuckled and asked, “Something wrong?”

Doyoung immediately wanted to walk into the nearest ocean. “Nope,” he said quickly, planting his attention firmly back on his laptop, his fingers flying over the keyboard as he typed out gibberish on the open document in front of him.

Jaehyun laughed quietly again and Doyoung was ready to jump out a window. “You’re cute,” Jaehyun murmured. 

_ The nearest window is about 20 feet away and you’re on the third floor of the library. Take the chance, maybe?  _

Before Doyoung could even think of a response, Jaehyun put on his headphones and began working on notes in his lab book, not paying any attention to the gaping fish look Doyoung was giving him. What was he supposed to even say back to that?  _ Yeah, you’re cute too, dude. I want to smooch the shit out of you? I want to be close enough to be able to hear your heartbeat??  _

Fuck, Doyoung might have a crush. 

Internal panic meter at an all time high, Doyoung did the only thing he could think of. 

**Doyoung: I think you put a curse on me**

**Ten: mayhaps I did. Why?**

**Doyoung: tell me why jaehyun is sitting right in front of me in the library**

**Doyoung: AND HE CALLED ME CUTE**

**Ten: whoa moving quick there aren’t we?**

**Doyoung: what do i do???**

**Ten: doie, i dont see the problem.**

**Doyoung: hOw Do YoU nOt SeE tHe PrObLeM????**

**Ten: ...just go with it. Now stop bothering me, im in class**

**Ten: you’ll be fine. Relax.**

He was going to sacrifice Ten. That’s it. That might prove to be more useful than actually asking him for help. 

Doyoung stole a glance at Jaehyun. The other boy was deeply engrossed in whatever he was writing. It looked like he was studying cell structures or something close to that, judging by the diagrams drawn in his book. He writes notes in the margins, like what Doyoung does with his textbooks. His handwriting was rushed and a bit messy but legible. Jaehyun’s eyebrows were furrowed slightly as he concentrated and once in a while, he would chew on his bottom lip. 

Doyoung wasn’t going to get anything done today. Or ever again.

An hour went by (or maybe four, who was really keeping track anyway) and Doyoung somehow managed to read and annotate 15 pages of the article he was reading. Progress is progress. Was he disappointed at the speed he was going at? Yes. Was he going to take whatever he could get? Also yes.

He snuck his thousandth glance at Jaehyun. The other boy had moved to working on his laptop and he barely looked at Doyoung throughout their study session. Doyoung could be wrong but Jaehyun looked like he was absentmindedly scrolling on his laptop more than working. Who could blame him though? Neither of them moved for a while and everyone needed mental breaks at some point. 

Doyoung was about to turn his attention back onto his document when a familiar mop of blonde hair caught his eye. Quickly, he tapped the table to get Jaehyun’s attention and the other looked up at him. 

“Um, c-can you watch my stuff?” he asked. “It’s just for a moment!” 

Jaehyun didn’t say anything. He just smiled softly and nodded for Doyoung to go before returning to his work. 

Doyoung mouthed a silent ‘thank you’ at him before getting up and heading to the shelves. Taking a chance, he turned around briefly and looked at Jaehyun’s screen when the latter’s back was turned. He was playing tetris. 

Doyoung laughed quietly to himself.

~~~~~~

“Taeyong?” Doyoung whispered around the shelves. He could’ve sworn he saw Taeyong coming this way. “Dude, where did he go?” Circling some more shelves, he was relieved to find the other boy sitting on the floor, an artbook splayed open on his lap. “Tae!” 

Taeyong looked up at him, a mix of surprise and sleepy. Doyoung felt bad. The semester was already taking its toll on Taeyong but somehow, he always managed a smile when he saw Doyoung. “Hey there. Doie. What’s up?”

Doyoung came and sat down next to him. In any other circumstances, he would feel more than a little self conscious about sitting on the floor (and dirty, who knows what messes these carpets have seen). But Taeyong made him feel safer. 

“Nothing. I guess I just needed a break. What’s with the art book?”

Taeyong sighed dramatically. “Remind me to never take an art history course ever again. This shit is so boring,” he grumbled. “But, please tell me how your little date with Jaehyun is going.” 

Doyoung turned to face him so quickly, he almost gave himself whiplash. How can Taeyong say something like that so casually? Doyoung swatted at his arm. “It’s not a date! He just needed a table. And how did you know I was with him?”

“I walked right by you, kid. I’m not surprised you didn’t notice though. By the way,” Taeyong said before turning to grin at Doyoung. “You’ve got a looker there, Doie.”

“Oh my god,” Doyoung groaned and rubbed his eyes. “I was hoping you’d be more helpful than Ten.”

Taeyong frowned. “I don’t know how you expect us to be helpful in any way.” He maneuvered around so that he was sitting and facing Doyoung. Damn everyone else who needed access to these shelves. Taeyong held Doyoung’s hands and gave them a gentle squeeze. The boys were going to have a heart to heart right here in the middle of the Renaissance art books. 

“Alright Doyoung, listen up. I know overthinking is the one thing you do best in situations like these. But take some deep breaths.” Taeyong, bless his heart, took a few deep breaths and waited for Doyoung to follow along. “Let yourself relax with this guy. I know why your guard is up but you can’t expect him to reciprocate your feelings, whether they be just friendly or more, if you’re hiding behind a wall of anxiety.”

“Now,” he continued, “that doesn’t mean you should spill your guts to him. Baby steps, love. Make conversation with him when you can and let whatever grows between you two form naturally. Who knows, maybe you’ll walk out of this with a new friend or more. But you gotta let yourself try.” Taeyong gave Doyoung’s hand another squeeze. “I promise, no matter what, it won’t be like the last one. None of your friends will let it happen.”

Doyoung bit his lip, fighting off flashbacks of darker days. He finally met Taeyong’s eyes and said boy offered him a reassuring smile. “You know you were a lot more helpful than Ten was. Just saying,” he says softly and wraps his arms around Taeyong in a warm hug.

“It’s common sense, Doyoung. Now get back to him, you’ve been away long enough,” Taeyong finished, turning back to his book. Not wanting to bother him anymore, Doyoung gave him one last hug before rushing back to his work table. 

It was a good thing he came back when he did because as he was turning the corner, he saw Jaehyun slowly begin to put his materials away. “Oh, are you done for the day?” he asked as he approached the table. Jaehyun looked up at him and smiled again.  _ Damn kid, what do you look like when you frown?  _

“Yeah, I have to head back to my apartment for a bit before heading to the cafe.”

“You have a shift?”  _ No shit, Sherlock, why else would he go to the cafe?  _

Jaehyun nodded, lips pressed together. “Yeah, I’m closing tonight. Definitely not the best shift but I need the money so…” He trailed off, shrugging his shoulders. “Are you working anywhere?”

Ok, this was good. They were making casual conversation and Doyoung doesn’t feel like he’s going to throw up. Good. 

“I work down in the tutoring center, actually,” he replied. 

Jaehyun looked up, suddenly more interested. “Really? What do you specialize in?”

“Oh, uh, mainly research paper writing and analysis,” Doyoung said, suddenly feeling unsure about himself. What exactly  _ did  _ he tutor and why was this weirdly nerve wracking? At one point or another, Doyoung is going to have to stop asking himself that. Literally anything that had to do with Jaehyun made him nervous these days. “Why?”

“Because I might need to pay a visit to you or someone else down there. I have this paper due for a 200 level literature course and writing isn’t really my thing.” He gestured vaguely to himself. “Science major and all. I could use a second pair of eyes and ears to help me with it.”

Doyoung didn’t know what to say out loud right away.  _ Yes, please come and see me so I have an excuse to see you again.  _ “Um, yeah, definitely. I could help you- or someone else can! We have plenty of staff down there. You don’t have to necessarily work with me, I meant, but I would be more than happy to help and I know the lower level literature classes pretty well but I’ll shut up now because I’m rambling.”  _ Smooth.  _

“Doyoung, it’s ok,” Jaehyun says, his eyes soft and reassuring. He finished packing up and Doyoung finally sat back down, his hands firmly on his lap. “You can ramble all you want. Out of curiosity, why did you choose to be a literature major?”

“Why do you want to know?”

Jaehyun shrugged. “Like I said, curiosity. If I didn’t know better, I would assume you’d be in the sciences too. You just give off that vibe.”

Doyoung genuinely laughed at that and he nearly missed the grin Jaehyun threw his way. “No offense to you scientists, but I suck at anything number related. I can barely remember my multiplication tables, never mind equations and algorithms and what not.” He shook his head, trying to imagine himself in a lab or working with chemicals and it didn’t look right. “I study literature because I like words. It sounds silly but I spent a lot of time reading when I was younger and I grew up loving novels and poetry. I love how meaning can be made through speaking and writing, despite the fact that, you know, I’m a wreck when it comes to both of those aspects. I figured, if society was going to pressure me into studying a subject and making it my career factor for the rest of my life, it might as well be a subject I actually love.”

Jaehyun pursed lips and leaned in a little closer. “Recommend me a book?”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I need something to read during my breaks so I don’t lose my mind or have nightmares about cell growth,” Jaehyun said, showing Doyoung one of his textbooks before tossing it back into his bag.

Doyoung stared at him for a bit before rummaging around in his own bag. “Ah, there it is,” he said once he finally found it. Pulling out a book, he handed it over to Jaehyun who took it from him gingerly. “You can borrow it!”

“ _ The God of Small Things _ ?” He mumbled before fiddling with the little metal bookmark holding onto one of the pages. “Aren’t you currently reading this? I can’t take it if you are.”

Doyoung shook his head quickly. “Oh no, I’ve been rereading it in my spare time. I had to do a paper on it last year and I didn’t have the heart to sell my copy after it was all over. You can take your time with it. In all fairness, I don’t know how you’ll feel about the actual story but I think you’ll really appreciate the writing style.”

Jaehyun flipped through the book, eyes roaming over some words here and there. “I trust you. Thank you,” he said, gratitude genuine and his eyes curving into crescent moons. He got up, swinging his bag over his shoulders. “I’ll also make sure to pay the tutoring center a visit. See you around now.” And with a final wave, he turned and left, posture calm and cool. Doyoung watched as he examined the book some more as he walked away.

For the first time in about two hours, Doyoung felt like he could breathe normally again. Is this what happens when you relax and just have a conversation with someone? He nearly forgot what that felt like. Despite the fact that it wasn’t a long or deep talk, it felt good to feel normal around Jaehyun for once. 

He does silently hope that Jaehyun does come down to the tutoring center. Doyoung kept in mind what Taeyong said. If he walks out of this ordeal alive and well and with a new friend, that would be enough for him.

~~~~~~

**_A few hours later…_ **

“Hey there, nerd, what are you reading?” 

Jaehyun looked up from his book as Johnny slid into the seat across from him. It was their break time at the cafe and Jaehyun took the opportunity to start making his way through the book Doyoung lent him. 

“Honestly, I don’t know but he let me borrow this today after I asked for recommendations,” Jaehyun responded with a shrug.

“Who?”

“Doyoung.”

Johnny perked up at that. “You saw him again?” he asked.

Jaehyun nodded. “Don’t get it twisted, I needed a space to do some homework and he had an open table in the library.” Johnny eyed him strangely and it took a second for Jaehyun to realize that what he said sounded a little rough, especially about someone who, despite his awkwardness, was a genuinely decent person. 

“Well, I hope you don’t use that tone when you’re talking to him. Poor kid looks like he’d break down into tears if you ever said anything bad about him,” said Johnny. 

Jaehyun put the book down with a sigh. “I didn’t, don’t worry. He’s just… strange.” 

“How so?”

“He’s a nervous wreck, anyone can see that. But there’s also something nice in seeing him talk about things that he’s actually passionate about, like books and words. Hmm,” Jaehyun hummed to himself. “I feel like once you get past the first complicated layers of Doyoung, he might actually be a very interesting person. Being cute is just a plus.”

Johnny whipped his head up, face incredulous, and asked, “Since when did you start thinking he was cute?” 

Jaehyun stared back at him with a deadpan expression, the book long forgotten in his hand. “It doesn’t take a genius to notice that he’s actually pretty attractive.”

In true, dramatic, Johnny-esque fashion, Jaehyun watched him put a hand over his heart, his mouth agape and eyes wide. “Oh my stars, are you reciprocating his feelings? Cold, untouchable Jung Jaehyun liking someone for once?”

“Oh my god, shut up!” Jaehyun exclaimed, throwing a crumpled up napkin at Johnny who dodges it in the nick of time. “I just want to get to know him better, that’s all.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you’ll still be saying that a week from now.”

Jaehyun held back from throwing anything else at him.

~~~~~~

_ “And the air was full of Thoughts and Things to Say. But at times like these, only the Small Things are ever said. Big Things lurk unsaid inside.” _

_ -The God of Small Things _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i do recommend the god of small things by arundhati roy for those of you who haven't heard of it. it's a beautiful book that i had to read for a post colonial literature course i took when i was an undergrad.  
> WARNING: there is some triggering material in the novel such as violence and sexual assault though so read it at your own discretion.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and let me know what you think? Should I keep going lol


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